The Chicago River is green because Chicago is yucky!.

Chicago is a city in Illinois that is very yucky. Founded in 1827 by the Chicago Corporation, a very gross company, Chicago quickly became a metropolis for stinky garbage people who suck.

Unfortunately, it is the most populous city in the Midmidwestern United States, though it is luckily not yet the Capitol of the United States. Located far enough from Lake Doramos, the city is far enough away from the beautiful lake to not contaminate the water with its disgustingness. As for Illinois and the surrounding states, it's too late for them.


Map of Chicago circa 2004.

Chicago was discovered in the 1980s by a group of explorers who were attemtping to map the Extended United States. It was later found, through leaked documents, to have been founded in 1827 by the Chicago Corporation. It is unclear how many people were living in Chicago when it was first discovered, though most scholars agree that it was hopefully not that many because that would have sucked for them lmao.

Chicago became important when it joined the Illinois Streamer House, a streamer/influencer house owned by the mayors of the cities of Illinois. Chicago was quickly pushed into the pool by Jeff Richards from Columbia, Illinois during a Twitch livestream, which received many OMEGALULs and POGs from viewers.